What happened in our recent “evolution”  to cause us not only to expect things now, but to feel like we can’t survive if we have to wait for good things to come to us? Instant Gratification. I suffer from it and it’s something that I’m always fighting with because I realize how much disharmony is created in my life because of it.

It happens with everything.. for most of us, right? I mean, you see something you want, you have to have it now. Maybe it’s a car you can’t quite afford. No problem. I’ll just finance! Maybe it’s a dream job. Because some of us don’t have it NOW, we spend endless amounts of time complaining about the job we do have. Or we jump from job to job without thinking things through. Maybe it’s the need to be skinny-minny. The diet-pill market is flourishing because of our inability to set a goal and work towards it. That’s the problem. It’s the idea that we shouldn’t have to work for it. We just want it now. We don’t want to have to save money, or exercise everyday, or work hard at our jobs and learn the skills we’ll need for that dream job. No way! We want it NOW.

I’ve mentioned before my feelings about the consumerism and commercialism in the world today and how it teaches us to think this way. It’s advantageous for them if we think we can get everything we want without effort or cost. Problem is, our instant gratification which must be satiated, only ends up hurting us and our long term goals in the process.

I personally, am not sure that I’m in a career situation where I want to be long term; however, I also know there a multitude of skills that I can acquire where I’m at. If I were to be upset, anxious, and bitchy over the fact that I’m not in my dream job I then sabotage my ability to improve myself now. Similarly, if I rush out and take the first job I find that’s different than the one I’m in, I have no idea what I’m getting. In the end, trying to achieve that dream job NOW sabotage’s my ability to go out and get it later. Same with the dieter. No matter how many pills and potions you try, none of them really work or we would all be skinny. That said, taking all those things only serve to reinforce in the dieter’s mind that he/she doesn’t really have to eat right and exercise to lose weight. In the end, it sabotage’s the possibility for progress which will not only provide results, but teach proper habits.

So, while I recognize the problem, and I have my own opinion about how we got here, that leaves me with the question of How do we Get Out of this? Because this has been something that I have been thinking about often for a long time, I will tell you that there are some things that I try to ask myself to re-train myself not to think this way. Instead of Instant Gratification, I think of it as Mindful Achievement; obtaining something you want in life through mindful planning and presence; you know, working towards something.

1. I am spoiled. I have everything I could ever possibly need and more. Chances are, you’re just like me if you have internet and can read this! Put yourself in some perspective and think about people in other places in the world without clean drinking water, food, shelter and electricity. Kinda makes that second ipod (”I have a 4 gb, but an 8gb sure would be nice) seem a little less important, right?
2. What are my goals in life? Remind yourself what is truly important to you. This may be world peace, it may be your morning espresso. Whatever it is, be sure that you know what those things are so that when the itch to have anything NOW arises, you can easily assess whether or not it is part of those goals. If it isn’t, then it’s a lot easier to just plain walk away from it.
3. Do I really want/need that? If the answer is yes, then what is the best approach to obtain it? Maybe it’s saving up money, maybe it’s doing some research on nutrition. Whatever the case may be, make a plan.
4. What is the Personal Cost to me if I decide that I can’t wait to have this? For example, buying something you can’t afford because you don’t want to wait and save up for it means you’ll be paying interest. Maybe you quit a good, secure job for something different (but not quite right) because you thought it would resolve your restlessness in your career, only to realize that you traded job security for a career question mark. Force yourself to see that there is a down-side to instant gratification. While you’re at it, think about how great it will feel to achieve something without looking for the “easy way”.
5. Instant Gratification is Temporary! I won’t deny, it can be a great feeling when you get something that you want so badly… it’s almost a rush if you allow yourself to believe you need it. Problem is, that rush fades away. Quite often, you’re left with something you hadn’t thought of. A loan you can’t afford, pills that make you sick, or a job that isn’t what you had in mind.

Change is never easy. It takes constant presence and awareness to prevent your brain from falling into familiar patterns. Finding ways to achieve the goals you want without the added costs that come with having to obtain something NOW will reward you with time, money, patience, and pride. Once you’ve stepped through the process a few times, and felt the reward of mindful achievement, you won’t want to go back.

Image from: http://www.conciseguidelines.com

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I can’t help thinking the last few months about how our country, and the world, got to this place. Here we are, the economy of the world teetering on the brink of total failure, and no one seems to be reflecting on why we’re here; only how we can get out of it. Isn’t that the first basic rule though, problem solving? Don’t you have to understand how the problem came to be before you can solve it appropriately? Yes, banks gave out loans to people they shouldn’t have, and yes, credit card companies and the like we’re allowed to do what they wanted because regulation was lacking. But is that REALLY the problem? I don’t think so. I think it’s the symptom of a bigger problem. It’s a symptom of something that the companies of the world have lost. Integrity. Morals. Compassion. I mean, let’s face it. This whole economic “disaster” is really a simple function of greed. Somewhere along the way, these companies stopped thinking like individual human beings and started thinking as a machine. Money. How can we get more of it? What can we do to increase our bottom line? Who cares about what the costs are to others, it only matters what we stand to gain.

Let’s go back a few decades… say 5. So we’re in the 1950’s. For the most part, didn’t the Capitalist System work? Why did it work? Because even though companies were in the business of making money, it wasn’t at the expense of the people who paid for their services! Nor was it at the expense of the people who worked for them! WOW! What an idea. There was this overall sense of responsibility to each other, and a responsibility to their moral selves. To America. And those CEO’s and CFO’s and small town business owners realized that screwing over their “neighbor” might be a good short term way to earn more money, but long term it would be a disaster for them.

Now we have a system which has been built on greed. Teach people they need to buy. Teach them they need NEW things all the time. Teach them to live beyond their means and that it’s totally okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. It’s a status symbol to have the newest car, biggest house, most expensive shoes. Is it to make our lives better? That’s what we’re “trained” to believe- that the shiny new car will make us happier than our current less-shiny but relatively new car. But it’s not really about us, it’s about them. They need to sell more, because whatever their percent profit margin is now, is not enough. They need to make more money, because that’s what businesses do. And that’s just what happens to customers!

What if you’re an employee? How does it make you feel to know that you work more hours than most people in other countries, have to pay for your own health care and barely make enough to keep up with inflation, when the head honchos of your company are getting billions in bonuses? It’s even worse when they do a SHITTY job and get an even bigger bonus for leaving! Why? I have to say, I was absolutely moved by the bank CEO Leonard Abess, Jr. who gave his $66 million dollars of his own profit to the company’s employees. That guy should be our role model.

So, companies are going under because they sold bad loans. They knew what they were doing. It was short-term BIG gain without regard to long-term consequences. Now many of us are unemployed, in foreclosure, bankruptcy, or in debt up to our eyeballs. What do they want us to do to help the economy? Take out more loans! Yeah! What a fantastically insane idea. Take out more money that we don’t have so we can buy shit we don’t need and can’t afford. Am I the only one who thinks this is asinine?

And our government, I realize they’re in emergency mode and worried about companies and conglomerate’s failing that our economy requires for survival, but I am absolutely certain that bailing out a company who fraudulently operated it’s business for the sole purpose of making their bigwigs and stockholders rich at the expense of everyone else, should NOT be saved. They should succumb to the Capitalist System. It’s a good system. It means that if you offer a good service at a competitive price and you operate honorably, you get to grow and prosper. If you’re a bad businessman, are greedy, lie to your customers or sell a bad product, you go out of business. That’s how the system is supposed to work. We’re trying to fix a system that was broken long before it began it’s recent descent. I have no doubt in the Capitalist System and no doubt in America. I do not believe, however, that we should be trying to repair a system that is dependent on the citizens of this country going into debt, and allows greedy, selfish companies to be bailed out so they can continue to operate the same ways. And why wouldn’t they? There was NO consequence to what they did! They made a gazillion bucks and now the government covered their ass. They’ll do it again.

I think that the only way to truly fix this, is to realize that this whole problem comes down to the human level. The humanity of not just doing what is best for you, but what is best for the people around you, the state you live in, and your country. It means saying, I’m not going to buy from a company who operates like this. I’m not going to work for a company who has such a low opinion of it’s people. It also means not letting the machine suck you in, and realizing that the idea that our economy HAS to be based on consumerism alone is a scam. There are other ways to have a successful economy. And most of them would probably equate to a healthier economy as well. One more thing: think back to the 1950’s. Do you think people shopped and bought like we do today? No way. People saved for a TV. They drove their cars until they didn’t work anymore. They didn’t need 12 things, all the same just in different colors. They only needed one.

As much as I am angry at the corporations, we also have to realize on an individual level that we are all equally to blame. We have to take responsibility for the fact that we fell for what they were selling. I did. I went shopping every weekend. I saw things everyday that I thought I absolutely couldn’t live without. Things that would make me happier, hipper, whatever. I bought them on the spot. Even if I didn’t have any money. They sold us this idea, we bought it and here we are. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want that kind of life for myself, that future for my sons, and I certainly don’t want to support the institutions who want to keep the status quo. But maybe that’s just me.

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While I am sure there will be things of more substance than this to write about in the future, I have to say that I have been gone from this place too long. Of course I still have a million things zipping through my Google Reader everyday; I am still fully entrenched in the blog world; I just haven’t been contributing for a while. I was (and still am) having a little bit of an identity crisis.

I know why I blog and why I read them. I want to feel connected and understood. That is to say, I am looking for ideas and connections with people to help me achieve my personal growth goals in life. So, I found myself asking “how can I blog and contribute the very thing I am myself looking for”? I felt a little bit like the “man behind the curtain” because many days I sat down to blog and felt completely lost in the craziness of life. I myself was (and will always be) a work in progress. What occurred to me though is that is the perpetual motion of personal growth. No self-respecting personal growth enthusiast, writer or reader could say they were an “expert” on the subject, because the very idea of person improvement is a life-long continuous process.

So, I have stayed away from writing because I simply did not know what to write about anymore. That said, I find my fingers itch to write and to be a contributor again. So tonight, I’m writing just to be here; a contributing (albeit ranting) member of the blogosphere. I suppose that the things that are most on my mind these days are the things that are most worth writing about; in life we are all connected and maybe the things that I struggle with can help others find the same answers to life that I seek.

I once wrote a post about making life changes when you’re in a “rut”.Although it is one of my favorite posts and I feel very connected to it, I recently awoke from my sleepwalking life to find myself in a rut. It happens to me when I get too busy with all the bullshit of everyday life to remember the bigger picture of, “how can I be a better person every day?”. And, naturally, I get so busy with everyday life (what am I going to feed the boys for dinner? Do I have time to go to the gym? Did my son get his homework done?) that I  am not ever present enough in the moment to realize it. So, I guess that is what I want to write about. How I can grow and change and find a way to be a better person today than I was yesterday. A better Mother, friend, sister, daughter, employee, lover and human being? That is the ultimate journey of my life.

So, I expect I will find myself here much more often, spewing out ideas and thoughts. It’s not answers to life that I wish to provide here, but rather a sounding board that can initiate that answers to come from anyone who reads this blog.

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The birds are singing, the sun is shining… what a glorious day to be alive! How often do you feel like that when you wake up? To be truthful, I don’t say or feel that way nearly enough. Most work days begin with this thought for me: “Shit. I have to get up”. Not a very productive way to start a morning. Yeah, maybe work sucks, but if you open up the scope of your life and focus on everything that’s around you, your attitude can change.

Let’s take my example above. What happens when you wake up and immediately think of what’s wrong with your day? Maybe you rush to get showered and out the door so you can get to work. Your irritable, easily frustrated and just generally dumpy. From the get go, you have set yourself up to think about and therefore notice all aspects of your day that are not… divine. By the time you get off work, you’re exhausted and tired and- well, still dumpy. So, you go home and instead of having the energy to do things that would add joy to your life you end up sitting on the couch with a bag of Frito’s watching TV.

What about the reverse? You wake up, look outside and realize it’s absolutely beautiful (even bad weather can be beautiful). Maybe you think about how lucky you are to have a nice place to live, a steady job, great kids, or just the fact that you get to be alive today… whatever it is, this feeling of being grateful and happy means that you will spend your day noticing and appreciating all that’s right in your life. Driving to work isn’t frustrating because you refuse to let crazy drivers and traffic ruin a good mood. This good mood increases efficiency to the point that you end the day feeling really satisfied with what you accomplished. The workday comes to a close and you drive home energized and excited that now it’s your time. For some of us, we go to the gym or meet up with friends. In any case, the positive attitude you woke up with carries you through the day.

The point I’m making here is that everything is attitude! The two hypothetical days were the same day. The same bad and good things happened. The only difference is perception. In one case you wake up in a bad mood, and that bad mood inevitably sets you up to see all the negative aspects of that day. Conversely, waking up happy just to be alive puts you in a frame of mind to see the good in your life. This is the first step towards making lasting change in your life. How can you accomplish anything when you feel bad? If you’re drained and tired and dumpy, the motivation is not there to go above and beyond your current situation to create a new one. You can read personal development blogs and books all you want, but reading won’t make the change happen. Your attitude will.

For me, real change requires inspiration. A lack of positivity in my life creates the opposite of growth. The happier I am, and the better my attitude is at the start of the day, the better my day goes and the more I accomplish. This is what I believe is the most important aspect of personal development. It all begins with the first 10 minutes of your day. It’s your choice to make your day great, just as it is your choice to be dumpy. Remember that the next time your alarm goes off. Here are some suggestions to get you moving towards a positive attitude in the morning:

• Open your blinds before you go to bed. That way when you wake up, the sun is shining in your room. Even if you don’t take a moment to look outside, natural light has a way of making a day feel brighter and more cheerful.
• Write down the three things you are most grateful for in your life. Post those three things somewhere you’ll be each morning. Could be your bathroom mirror or your refrigerator. When you pass by the list, read it aloud to yourself. Eventually you’ll begin to think of other things and you won’t need a list. I try to run through my gratitude list every morning while I shower.
• Get up an hour early. At first, this sucks… I admit. That said, having an hour to get ready and eat breakfast without rushing around is a far more relaxing way to start your morning.
• Music, Music, Music. If you have an alarm that you can play CD’s, great. If you don’t, consider getting one. Or get an alarm for your iPOD. There’s nothing like waking up to your favorite song; a song that makes you want to dance or sing. If this isn’t an option for you, try setting your alarm for the radio on your favorite station.

Making your first 10 minutes the most important time of your day each morning WILL make a difference in your life. The more days you do it, the easier it gets to wake up already with the right mindset.

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Did you know that your skin is your largest organ? When you stop to think of it that way, it makes more sense why we should take better care of it. Between sun exposure, wind, humidity, lack of humidity, cold weather, rain, tattoos, and everything else- we’re pretty brutal to the organ which protects all others. Some of struggle with acne, dry skin, and even more difficult issues such as psoriasis. Beyond wanting to avoid wrinkles, warts and sun spots there are a multitude of benefits that come with taking good care of our skin. Here are some small, but very effective ways, to start making some positive changes to the quality of your skin. Most of these won’t be new to you, but from time to time, we all need little reminders…

• Moisturize! Dry skin can be pretty uncomfortable, and when winter sets in it can only get worse. Cold air doesn’t hold moisture like warm air, so if you live in a temperate climate, the dry air exacerbates any dryness you’re already dealing with. Any lotion is great to put on everyday, but if you want a super moisture boost, try putting on something like Eucerin lotion after you shower but BEFORE you dry off. When you shower, the warm water opens up your pores. When you get out and dry off, you immediately start losing moisture through those open pores. If you put lotion on before you dry off and get out, you seal all that moisture in. The difference you’ll see doing this vs. just putting in on before bed is huge.
• Use Sunscreen. Most people are pretty good about wearing it on hot sunny days in the summer, but fail to realize that even cloudy days or sunny winter days can bring sun damage to your skin. In many cases, the winter months can be worse; depending where you are the ozone layer can be thinner in the winter, making the sun more intense. Buy yourself a face lotion that has a daily SPF in it; there are body lotions on the market now that also contain SPF- Alba makes a great one. You’ll never have to leave home without it!
• Don’t be picky. One of the best things you can do for yourself if you suffer from acne is leave it alone. Picking at your skin introduces a multitude of bacteria, only making it harder for your body to heal and get rid of the zit.
• Water. We all know this one, but it can be difficult to get in the habit. Start slow, and by a bottle that makes it easy for you to measure what you’re drinking. I buy 24oz disposal bottles even though I hate throwing them away. The reason? Each one is exactly 3 “glasses” of water. If I drink two I’m doing great. If I get to three- even better.
• Nutrition. Some people will tell you that chocolate or fried foods don’t have any effect on skin condition, but I whole heartedly disagree. I see it with my skin anytime I “relapse” and decide that I have to have something greasy and bad. I’ve been eating my kids Halloween candy this week, and I have a big ‘ol zit to show for it. Eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables can make a big difference, and there’s obviously a ton of other benefits to healthy eating.
• Rid your addiction to “products”. Look in a woman’s make-up drawer and your sure to find at least 25-30 different things we put on our bodies and faces. Lotion, base, powder, blush, eye liner, mascara, perfume, etc. Here’s what’s in my drawer that I actually use: a 15 SPF face lotion, mascara, and some Burt’s Bee’s lip balm. Sure I have all the other stuff, but I found once I stopped using all that crap, my skin condition improved and I didn’t actually need all that “cover up”. As far as perfume goes, find a aromatherapy soap that you love. I use something called Zumbar and I can’t tell you how many comments I’ve had about how nice I smell.
• Exfoliate. I love using a body scrub in the shower after I shave. Aromatherapy stuff is best for me, so I look for a salt or sugar scrub that’s usually in a grapeseed oil base. Getting rid of all the dead skin that’s hangin’ around helps your health skin to breath.
• Get your fatty acids! This is easier if you love fish, or live on the coast somewhere, but if neither is the case, try a good Omega supplement, add flaxseeds to your diet (I sometimes put them in my cereal or in some yogurt), or eat some walnuts.
• For anyone with a specific skin condition that requires special treatment, here are some great sites dedicated to skin health.
  • Dermatology Care has some great tips, as well as treatments for specific skin ailments.
  • The Skin articles and Tips at Pioneer Thinking has some great information on creating your own natural skin products.
  • Got Acne? Visit the Acne Care Tips blog…
  • Check out ScienceDaily’s skin care page for some great articles on a mutlitude of skin related topics.

Got any other tips for readers? Share them here! Here’s my Mom’s #1 tip for me about my skin: “Don’t forget to take care of your neck… especially the back of your neck“. I believe this is purely coming from an anti-wrinkle standpoint, but nevertheless, good tip Mom.

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